Friday, 18 December 2015

Open Letter To My Childhood Dream

I've been meaning to write to you for a long time. I think I was just constantly trying to convince myself you weren't important enough anymore. I've been in love with you ever since I was 7 years old. And who can blame me; after all you were a pop star who had it all. With a flawless voice and the ability to hit notes which even dogs could hear, you were my hero.

Things were looking up for us. You could find me singing to myself pretty much all the time (as long as no one else could hear) and I'm not embarrassed to admit how many hours I'd spent practicing my Grammy acceptance speech in the shower. I know I was never vocal about our relationship. I'm sorry I wasn't courageous enough to be open about it. I was a clumsy little girl with no confidence and a self esteem to match, and you, the exact opposite. You were everything I wanted to be. People would laugh at me if I told them I was hoping for a future with you. No one would understand.

I hate to think you would be assuming that my obsession with you was merely one of those ephemeral childhood desires that fade away just as quickly as they are conceived. There was nothing insincere about my fervid declarations of our love, I promise you. How would I know that life would soon conspire against me – against us? Of course, my self-esteem refused to help me when I turned to it for comfort. I was so certain that I was not good enough for you. I could have sworn that you thought I was an incapable novice with no chance of improvement. My fascination for you slowly begun dwindling until I tucked away this part of me in the depths of my heart.

But my love for you never completely disappeared. I still left all the windows open and all the doors unlocked, hoping you would come back; after all, we were bound together by those tenuous threads of passion which refused to snap. In hindsight, I believe I should have fought harder for us. It was thoughtless of me to have given up so abruptly, and not a day goes by when I don’t think about it.

Nevertheless, I write this letter to you not just to make amends but in the hopes of getting back together. The windows are still open and the doors still unlocked, and even though you’ve changed, I hope this time you’ll come in and stay.


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