Open Letter to My Teenage Self

Honestly, I’ve been sitting here for the past half an hour with the laptop buried in my lap trying to figure out what to say to you. We’ve known each other for a while now and I feel like we’ve reached a steady plateau in our relationship where we can talk about things that you need to know. But here I am, struggling to find words that I wish to carve into your memory so that you may never forget them.

But before I begin, I have a few questions for you. How are you? How did you ever survive being 16? Did you finally manage to act your age and move onto to something bigger rather than spending days curled up in your bed trying to ransack your brain for answers and finding your voice in this world? Because I’ve had enough of the drama now. I’m getting sick of it!

I know you’re at a point in your life when you’re vulnerable. Of course, this doesn’t make up for walking into the glass door of a showroom in the mall yesterday. Neither does it justify you falling from your chair in the classroom. (No, not stumbling down the stairs like normal people, but falling from a freakin’ chair!).

But I’m not here to cruelly remind you of every time you felt embarrassed and humiliated (I’ve lost count honestly), I’m here to tell you of how you’ve become everything you vowed never to be.

Time for some tough love.

So what the hell happened, bro?

I know it all seems difficult at this stage –growing up, getting good grades so that you can at least get into a decent college, and trying to fight the urge in school to stab a few people in the nose with a ball point pen. But you know what? There are bigger things in life to look forward to.

Do you remember telling yourself to not dwell upon what others think of you? Do you remember promising yourself that you will never change who you are? What’s wrong with your ferocious mood swings like a giant oscillating pendulum? Is this some sort of a teenage bipolar disorder? And there are not just the mood swings, but also mood slides, mood see-saws and mood bloody jungle gyms.

Feeling all foolishly happy like Santa’s stoned elf and then come crashing down to ground like a heartbroken and deceived Hindi Movie heroine.  Well, SUCK IT UP!

I do not, for the love of god, understand why you’re turning into such a Devdas in life. What exact phrases and paraphrases do you want me to preach to you that would stop you from whining and brooding over how strenuous 12^th grade is for you all the time?

Today, finally being thrown out in the spotlight, I beg you to hear my voice which you most often choose to ignore. Everytime you felt broken, or just too weak to face the reality, you sent me off to the world as your savior, hoping it would make things better. In an attempt to fight the disappointments or the brutal words of other malicious beings, I was created –your dauntless alter ego, hurled into the world to slash all those who tried to hurt you. But you know what? I’m not doing that anymore! I’m tired of being the Superman to your Clark Kent.

As a teenager, yeah, you’re still immature, but I know you always try to be self aware; be responsible. And to be honest, I’m genuinely proud of you for trying. But right now, your attitude towards life is worse than a teenage boy adding obscure bands in the list of favourite musicians on his Facebook page to come across as "cool".

I know you hate putting yourself out there because you’re afraid of failing miserably and embarrassing yourself. But let me tell you something, even if you fail it wouldn’t matter; because we’re still just teenagers trying to make it in the little game.

Do you remember the time you were awfully chipper and jovial that people turned to YOU for advice? What’s with this sudden feeling of isolation like the weight of the entire universe is upon your shoulder?

You, my friend, have lost the reason that made you jaunty and happy. The constant feeling of being underrated. I know, it sucks. But brooding over it isn’t gonna help, is it? I recommend you to join a club of well, ALL teenagers! So don’t start with a pity party where the theme is how hard it is to survive as a teenager.

Now I could be evil and let the most awesome years of your life pass you by. But since I care about you so damn much, I have to stop you.

Yes, these years are amazing. Way better than worrying about growing up, earning your own money, not having to depend on Mom and Dad for it, no deadline for your bedtime, doing whatever the hell you want to…

Okay, wait, I kinda lost my drift there.

But it IS better than worrying about jobs, promotions, presentations, marriage, kids (ugh, those nasty brats!).

Don’t you get it? You don’t need to be rescued. You don’t NEED a savior.

This is the year of the future. That future we spent dreaming about every night this year. Now is the time to turn those dreams into reality. Now is the time when I can see you work hard towards the goals you set out to achieve. Now is the time when I can see you struggle to free yourself from the bars of conventionality, fighting your way out with the strongest of blows, and being your own savior. Now is the time to finally find your own voice. And now is the time when I bid you farewell because as you cross over the obstacles thrown your way, tumbling and falling, bruising yourself with every step, you become stronger –stronger than me.

So Carpe Diem, woman! Soak in every minute of awesomeness that your life is. Celebrate how you never gave up even when you wanted to (even when the reasons were dumb enough).  Be proud of not losing the sight of yourself and sticking up to your beliefs.

You may or may not be the most popular of them all that a thousand people would want to add you on Facebook, but you WILL always remain this beautiful, sappy li’l weirdo that you are. Your family and friends know it. And that is all that matters.

Don’t worry about me, though. I’ll still be here when this is all over; somewhere in the background watching you; cheering and applauding with all my might, when you have successfully conquered this battle. Or to pull you back up if you somehow manage to act like that Humpty Dumpty retard and fall over the edge again.

I’ll write to you again someday. To remind you of who you really are lest you ever forget. And to show you that you can achieve a lot more than what you’ve settled for. So, keep calm and love yourself, because despite everything, I know I do.

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