Inner Monologue of an Introvert

Dammit, I have to go to Rhea's birthday party today. Wait, that means I'll have to change out of my pajamas! What are the chances anyone's gonna notice what I'm wearing anyway? Pretty high, actually. Crap. I'll just throw some jeans on and leave, she said she's only inviting a small group of people.

Geez, why is the metro always so crowded? Don't these people have anywhere else to be? I can never find a place to sit in here. OH FRIGGIN' FINALLY! A spot right next to the door. Now I can just sit and listen to some music until I reach my station.

Oh crap, everyone's here already. And look at the number of people! What are we doing, filming Lost? How can one person possibly mingle with so many of these people?

This place is too loud. Why did I say yes to coming here today? And why won't this woman shut up already? No seriously. How does one even manage to concoct such utter nonsense to talk about?! Well, let’s see where this conversation is headed now.

“God! I spent the entire day looking for vintage dresses. Those are my latest obsession!”

Okay, I have an upper limit on conversation and noise, and my cup is currently overfloweth.

And I thought it's only girls who come up with useless crap to talk about...what is up with those himbos right around the corner? I mean, I’m all for an interesting conversation - it doesn’t even have to be intellectually stimulating, but why do you have to be SO freakin’ stupid?! You are a bunch of grown up adults for Heaven’s sake!

Great, I’m stressing already. I should eat something to calm my nerves. OOH, look at that, there's cake!

I need to chill. And be positive. Positive vibes. I did not come here to sulk and mope in a corner. I should initiate talking. But how do I just “blend in”?

That guy looks nice. Maybe I should talk to him. No, that'd just be awkward. How does one even come up with small talks? All I can come up with is a huge vacuum of awkward silence.

And these people are utterly boring anyway. I have more fun talking to my own self than them. No, that’s not a weird thing to do. I can only rely on my own self when I’m need of an intelligent conversation. And my two closest friends. Dammit, why aren’t they here?! It’s such fun when we hang out. After all, you have to have a certain comfort level with a person before carrying out long conversations with them. These knuckleheads would probably even start talking to a pole. Ugh. Does nobody understand the concept of “alone time” anymore?

Oh shoot. He’s smiling at me. Oh my god, is he coming over to me to talk? Crap. Gotta do something. Think brain, think! Oh yes, my phone. I’ll just pretend that I am on a call. Oh yes, works every time.

*OH HEY TANYA! -How have you been?! -Me too! -Seriously? -No way! Hahahahahaha!*

Okay. Danger averted. Those were some seriously awesome acting skills I displayed. This could be my alternate profession. Could I put it on my resume?
-Acts tremendously well in order to avoid social contact.

Maybe not. I pretended to talk on the phone when in reality I would just let it go to voicemail. Somehow, a ringing phone feels like a ticking bomb in my hand. And again, I’m NOT weird. The rest of the people are JUST as weird or else no one would have ever come up with the wonderful option of “text messaging”. It’s a blessing, I tell you.

Now, let me think of how to get out from here. Should I just stealthily sneak out?

Nah, I’ll just make up an excuse. I’m not feeling well, have to head back. Always works. Before I get introduced to more “friends of friends”, I should execute my exit strategy.

All this socialising has left me with people-overload. Damn, I can’t wait to snuggle in my blanket and watch Doctor Who. Now THAT’S how you spend your Friday evenings.

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